Tracy's Nest

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

I do it my way

I didn’t expect to have so many responses to my previous post about my Destinee's ‘NAUGHTY CORNER’. Guess I have to make myself clear to my fellow bloggers and my girl so dat everyone won’t get the wrong idea dat I always beat/scold Destinee. ‘Sked sked’ (borrowed from Zara) leh. People might think dat I’m a child abuser (boohoohoo, I'm not). I did mention dat the rotan is now used for threatening purpose and for using to 'sweep' things out from under the sofa or behind the TV stand.

I know dat spanking is not a solution but sometimes when my kid gets on my nerves which I'm not able to endure, the cane has to come in and of course it's for threatening purpose. She won't let me have my 'freedom' for a moment. She'll disturb me when I'm watching TV programmes, she'll call aloud when I'm either bathing or doing 'business' in the toilet, she'll want to sit on my lap when I'm typing or at the dinner table, etc. etc. etc. She's a super duper active kid! U can always either hear or see her talking, jumping, hopping, dancing, singing, skipping, playing the whole day EXCEPT when she's sleeping. My maid will always say: "Mengapa dia selalu sangat segar, tak berhenti?" (Why is she always so active, cannot stop?).

She is always doing the dangerous 'stunts' which will make me have a 'heart attack' or make my 'blood pressure' rise. It's not dat I don't teach or advise or talk to her in a nice way, it's only with the threatening of the cane, she'll stop. Even her pappy (known to be one without temper) sometimes cannot bear her naughtiness.

After reading Maria's "Don't scold them, they are not my kids", I do agree with Maria dat we sometimes tend to treat our fren's kids better. It's true dat we can't and have no rite to scold or cane other ppl's kids and it's not dat we don't love or have to mistreat/abuse our kids. Come to think of it, we have to face our kids every day and to some of u, the whole day, while with other kids, it is just for a while or for some time only, then they'll be with their parents. We are not facing them every moment. The reason is dat we are facing our kids every moment and have to bear with them every second of the day. How long can we bear/stand or test our patience? For one day? Two days? Three days? There's bound to be some scoldings if not beatings. Maybe babies, 1 - 2 years toddlers can be spared cos even if we beat them, they won't understand (or maybe they do understand and we can't underestimate them). But as kids grow older, I guess there should be a limit to the tolerance of their misbehavings. And I'm sure I don't want to hear dat my child is a spoilt brat.

For example, when my fren visits me, her kids will be playing with mine. Suddenly, my kid does not allow my fren's kids to touch/snatch her toys and my kid hits one of the kids. I'll definitely get hold of my kid first and tell her dat she shouldn't be doing so and dat she should share her toys with her little frens but at the same time, I'll have to beat her on the palm for doing something bad. If the scenario is vice versa, I definitely don't have the rite to scold or hit ppl's kid and I too will get hold of my kid and tell her dat she shouldn't be snatching other ppl's toys. (Have I done wrong?)
I bought books on "how to discipline, how not to scold or spank, how to say no, how to deal with the difficult child". I find dat what they have mentioned in the books, which most of the methods, might be effective to some but they just wouldn't work on my kid. So, I might as well do it my way.
A big PHEW! Not easy being parents, rite? Really needs a lot of patience, time and most of all a sane mind.
(updated at 2.50 p.m.) On top of all the naughtiness of Destinee, another problem with her and which she loves to do is SCREEEAAAMMM! I really have the phobia of hearing her scream which will sometimes make me go 'ga ga'. Pappy and I are not the loud spoken and talkative type and not naughty kids when we were small.


At Tue Apr 04, 12:28:00 PM, Blogger Adrian & Alvan said...

Yup, everyone have it own way to deal with their own kids, and not all kid can be teach in one same way too.
Mummy is the best person who will know how to teach and rise up her kid in a positive way, rite?
Like chinese old folk said "Da shi deng, ma shi ai".
When I was a child my mum also always used cane to threatening me, but hor I am very naughty, even been beaten still not listen to her, my dad neither scold nor beat me,but I scare my dad more than my mum, when he said can not means can not. Why ar?
Adrian is alike me, if I beat him more he will more naughty and not listen to me.
Like mother like son *shake head*

At Tue Apr 04, 12:29:00 PM, Blogger Ryan Boy said...

Ryan's mmy: I agree with you! It's VERY HARD to be a "GOOD" parent!sigh..
sometimes we will try to control ourself to prevent "shout or beat" them, but it was always failed. cause nowadays, "love's education" is highly promoted way to treat our child, but it is not that easy to peform.

When we too soft to them, ppl will said we're spoiling them; when we always treat them too strict, they might say we're abusing them...
so what is right & wrong?!

Thanks for sharing your problem & lets find the solutions together... happy parenting!

At Tue Apr 04, 12:58:00 PM, Blogger shoppingmum said...

I agree that mommies know their kids the best, and when it comes to diciplining kids, there won't be a universal way of doing it.
Maybe my son still very young, so I don't have to resolve to canning yet. But who knows? Maybe I'll use it to threaten him one day.

At Tue Apr 04, 01:23:00 PM, Blogger Egghead said...

every child has a different mind... I sincerely don't think there is a common way to treat every child... if there is... we would all become robots liao :)

At Tue Apr 04, 02:10:00 PM, Blogger Jesslyn said...

we never think dat u always punish Destinee la..u know her well mah, surely use your own way to educate her!

At Tue Apr 04, 02:20:00 PM, Blogger 1+2mom said...

Every kids are difference, like mine. My son more active so he 'eat' alot cane since he 1 year plus, but my gals not even 1 cane on their body. Why?? I dunno but maybe they more behave then their kor kor gua or maybe i can 'tahan' their misbehave cause my son are too much then them.
Now i not using any cane, everytime bought will missing and very lazy to find. I just scold and explain to them when they done wrong again and again.
I think maybe just like us when young we want do this do that, parents sure said can not. Why we also trade our childen like that, so i just let it be but still keep correct him when he done wrong.

At Tue Apr 04, 02:44:00 PM, Blogger Tracy said...

U were a naughty girl when u were young? No wonder ur mum caned u lor. I was very seldom caned as I was a good girl when I was small and I was the lovable one at home (got all my uncles and auntie to 'sayang' me). One thing for sure was dat I was very scared of my mom's 'special stare'.

Hahaha, maybe u should use the reverse psychology with Adrian liao.

Ryan's mmy:
Ya, ya, it's really difficult to be a GOOD parent nowadays. But sometimes Destinee do have her lovable moments too. She's just another super duper active kid which I feel 'exhausted' having to accompany her (cos she's very clingy) after a hard day's work.

Shopping mom:
Hope u won't have to use the cane on Justin.

Heehee, shows dat I'm not a robot.

No, no, no, don't get me wrong and I'm not being sensitive. I just wanted to share with parents and see what are their views only.

1+2 mom:
Thanks for sharing ur view. Good to hear dat u don't have to cane ur girls. I agree with u dat kids of nowadays are very curious and smart compared to the kids of yester years.

At Tue Apr 04, 03:02:00 PM, Blogger blurblur said...

I always believe that each child is an unique individual and what works on one child might not work on another child. :)

Only mummies know their children best - that's what my mum tells me too! There's this incredible bond between a mother and child that no one can replace!

Yeah, parenting is not an easy task...let's learn from each other along the way! Cheers! :)

At Tue Apr 04, 03:09:00 PM, Blogger Zara's Mama said...

Yeah.. I also believe some form of dicipline is required..

Beating or punishing a kid below one will not make any sense to them (but I have to admit I smack Zara's tighs too when she didn't lie still when I tried to change her soiled diaper.. bad mummy I know), starting from 1yr old, they should be old enough to understand what punishment is..

At Tue Apr 04, 07:46:00 PM, Blogger mom2ashley said...

i guess different ppl have their own way of teaching their children not to worry wat other ppl long as you are not abusing them.

At Wed Apr 05, 02:05:00 PM, Blogger Tracy said...

Oh yes, each child has his own individual character and each has to be taught individually. Haha, mommy's knows best, I like dat.

Zara's mama:
I think we have our stand to let our children know what punishment is. Else they will climb onto our head, rite?

Oh yes, we have our own ways of disciplining our children. Oh no, I'm not abusing my kid. I do spank her but deep down I love her too much for words.

At Wed Apr 05, 10:29:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I like what blogie-talkie said ....'But is Spanking the only solution?'
Do we expect too much from our kids? I think a lot of people do hit out of anger without much thought. Kids do need to know their boundaries but is force, physical pain the real solution?
I have never laid a hand on my toddler who is nearly 2. I do a lot of 'positive parenting' by encouraging, praising good behaviour and using 'time out' for undesirable behaviour. I don't believe that kids 'bad' or are naughty to annoy you. I believe that when my daughter is doing something she shouldn't be, it's just toddler curiosity and testing her boundries. I also hate the word 'punish' and prefer the word 'discipline'. I know a lot of people don't see the difference but it's really not the same.
Am just sharing my thoughts on the subject. Every mom does things differently and there is no right or wrong!

At Thu Apr 06, 10:14:00 AM, Blogger mumsgather said...

You know your daughter best and what works for her. Its because every child is different and that is why it is important for us to be in tune with them in order to understand them better and in doing so we can discipline them better too.

At Thu Apr 06, 10:38:00 AM, Blogger magictree said...

Hmmm..your girl is just like my No2. Aiyoh...she is just as active as a boy ya! I agree with all that you wrote. Me too have the book "how to talk so kids will listen" or something to that effect. Not all methods works for all kids. You don't have to justify your actionslah....our 'rotan' if use, is for discipline not 'punishment'! There's a huge difference! Don't worry I am sure you will 'continue' to have those shouting days! Ha! Ha!

At Thu Apr 06, 11:36:00 AM, Blogger Tracy said...

Thanks for dropping by. U just want urself to be known as "Anonymous"?

I can see dat u do have ur points there and it's not dat I don't agree with u. I, myself, do not really like spanking my kid and I don't always spank my kid. I do try to discipline her by talking to her in a nice way but she'll just turn a deaf ear. It's only when I say "Where's my cane?" (I haven't even reach for it), and once she hears the word CANE, she'll understand and behave. Maybe my girl is one of those stubborn ones which needs to be disciplined the 'hard' way (heeheehee).

So good to hear dat u don't lay a hand on ur kid (how I wish I can too). Ur kid must be well behave and u do have ur way of disciplining her. After reading what u've written, I guess I should try to learn from u. Thank u so much for sharing. I hope u'll drop by again.

True, true, true. Every child is different and in disciplining each child is differrent. Only mommies will know best, rite?

At Thu Apr 06, 07:16:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thank you for your nice welcome and invitation back. I am new to the world of 'blogging' and to leave a comment, I had to choose Anonymous coz I don't have a blog or web page. I am keen to set up my own blog and will look into it.

At Fri Apr 07, 11:09:00 PM, Blogger TWO LITTLE FELLAS said...

i read your naughty corner, i got sked sked a bit...i read your "i do it my way"...i lagi sked!!

haha- just kidding. i know exactly what you mean-that's why i don't buy or keep rotan at home. otherwise, i dunno what will happen.

me with a demanding job..2 maid...prob i will skin them alive!! haha, then again, being a mom has made me a better person.

from your post, we not only been told but can also feel your love for Destinee :)

At Mon Apr 10, 12:40:00 PM, Anonymous maria @ twinsmom said...

really man, your Destinee sooooooo much like Annabelle!!! she did all the things Destinee did!

that's why I sometime very geram to read those parenting column, my respond is "what you know lar, my child not your child, you come and live with them for one month and see", anyway... may be they use the same method I use too "not own child usually more patient".

no worry, never think you are a child abuser, then I am tyrant liao LOL...

At Mon Apr 10, 12:49:00 PM, Blogger Tracy said...

U got sked? Hahahahaha!

Oh yes, I love Destinee with all my heart and soul.

Really, it's only when she get on our nerves, I cannot tahan. If I threaten her, I get 'heart pain', if I don't threaten her, lagi worse, she'll 'climb onto my head'. Susah, susah betul, isn't it?


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