IN-LAWS

First of all, Janice (my youngest SIL), Ah Bun (my BIL) and Elyss, if u are reading this, I'm sorry.

The incidents were very very very back dated (1994-1998) but I have to get them off my mind/chest in my own blog. It’s my nest and I can blah and rant anything I like. I don’t jot unhappy incidents but I can ALWAYS remember them and keep them in my mind and dat is my weak point. It’s about my MIL and eldest sister-in-law. Pappy has an elder sister, younger brother and a younger sister.

MIL
On the whole, ‘she’ is a very nice and generous person, only dat ‘she’ couldn’t see eye to eye with me. I tried to please ‘her’ in all ways but just wouldn’t work. Maybe ‘she’ was thinking dat I was going to ‘take’ ’her’ favourite son away from ’her’ and dat 'her' son had chosen me instead of someone else (well, can’t blame ‘her’ for dat as I was divorced and with a daughter from my ex-hubby). ‘She’ had 'her' ways to complain whatever I do.

When I watch TV programmes, I would be very engrossed and would not take notice of anything around me. It happened when I was watching a TV programme one day and I think ‘she’ talked me. So, when I turned to face ‘her’, ‘she’ was oredi complaining to ’her’ eldest daughter dat I was so impolite not to answer ’her’. I apologised to ’her’, explained to ’her’ dat I didn’t notice dat 'she' was actually talking to me.

After dat incident, ’she’ took it at heart. Eldest SIL's daughter (Pappy’s niece) was watching a TV programme one day and she was so engrossed dat she didn't hear her grandma (MIL) calling her. Immediately the niece was scolded (I was there) why she didn't answer ’her’ (MIL) and whom she had followed the habit! *duh* I knew ’she’ was referring to me but I kept quiet. Poor niece for being dragged into this. Luckily she explained dat she was too engrossed in the show.

At one time, ‘she’ bought a packet of hamburgers and was freezed, I forgot, for how long. ‘She’ brought them out from the fridge and fried and told us (me, youngest SIL and Pappy) to eat. I told ‘her’ I don’t like or eat hamburgers and even until today I haven’t eaten a single piece of hamburger. ‘She’ said I was so ‘dai pai’ (big shot). I was told ‘she’ went all the way, early in the morning, to fry the hamburgers and I didn’t even 'give face' to have one. ‘She’ was complaining all the way in the car to ‘her’ son (Pappy). I had no intentions of arguing with ’her’. I later called from the office and complained to my youngest SIL why her mom was like dat. I was consoled by her dat her mom was always like dat (liked to complain and grumble) whenenver ’she’s’ in a bad mood.

Another time was ‘she’ was complaining dat ‘she’ had to clear the cup on the table which I drank and dat ‘she’ was not my ‘Ah Sei’(servant). I explained to ’her’ dat the cup was not mine, it was Willy’s (youngest SIL’s boyfren then) who left the cup there. When did I treat ’her’ as an ‘Ah Sei’. I helped to wash and iron the family’s clothes (I washed and ironed my own clothes). I helped in the mopping of the whole house (upstairs and downstairs and cleaning of the toilets. I even paid ’her’ ‘ka yung’ (‘maintenance fees’ for meals).

The biggest and most happening issue was when we were in our unit. I always sit however I liked comfortably (in a lying manner, my head at one end of the sofa and with my feet on the other end, pointing at another sofa) and ‘she’ had to sit next to the sofa where my feet were pointing. I knew ‘she’ was going to say something, so, I quickly glided my feet to one side, not to face ‘her’ directly. ‘She’ burst! Shouting at me dat I was so ill-mannered as to point my feet at ’her’. Excuse me; couldn’t I sit however I like in my own house? I told ’her’ I didn’t do dat on purpose and I apologised. ‘She’continued complaining and grumbling (’she’ was at ’her’ verge cos Pappy didn’t have the time to take her to the bus station to Genting) and even scolded I ‘mou ka kau’ (no family manners) and dat my mom didn’t teach me. Dat was the last straw! Why was my mom drawn into this. Nothing to do with my mom. I BLEW MY TOP over ’her’, asking ’her’ why ‘she’ disliked me and always picked on me and asked ‘her’ which of ‘her’ ‘tails’ did I stepped on dat ‘she’ had to complain even on ‘ji ma luk dau’ (teeny weenie bit) issues.

Luckily Pappy understood. He quickly pulled me out of the house and drove me to cool me down.

After dat incident, one day, when Pappy and I went back after work, we opened the door and saw ’her’ sitting on the sofa. Pappy asked ’her’ “oh, Auntie Ma (everyone in the family calls ’he’ dat), u are here”. What did ‘she’ reply? ‘She’ answered in a very sarcastically way “Ya lor, I’m here, cannot ar? I‘m not welcomed here ar?” Adoi! I greeted ‘her’ but didn’t bother to talk to ‘her’.

Not only the above, there were more which I would not like to mention any more, whatever and whenever ‘she’ caught not to ’her’ liking about me, ‘she’ would go all the way to complain and ’ngi ngi ngo ngo’ (grumble continuously).

’She’ has never admitted dat I am ’her’ daughter-in-law in front of ’her’ friends or relatives (sad to say dat we didn’t go thru the ’tea ceremony’ and didn’t have a proper wedding dinner cos Pappy and I cohabitated and later registered ourselves). ’She’ will address me as "my eldest son one lor". And I have never heard ’her’ addressing me as ’her’ ’sum pou’ (daughter-in-law). I remember the time when my BIL (Pappy’s brother) got married in Singapore. We, eldest and youngest SIL, MIL and I, were all sitting in the hall of the BIL’s apartment and SIL’s (BIL’s newly wedded wife) frens asked who I was. My eldest SIL and MIL were looking at each other, kept quiet and didn’t answer. I WAS SHOCKED and EMBARRASED! (I felt my face was ’boiling’ - embarrased and angry). How could THEY treat me like dat? Luckily my youngest SIL came to my rescue and answered "Oh, she’s my ’Dai Sou’ (SIL), my eldest brother’s wife). *duh, duh, duh*

Pappy and I shifted out and had our ’independence’. I had never stopped Pappy from visiting ’her’ (’she’ stays with my youngest SIL) but I encouraged and advised him to go and see ’her’. If I’m bad and take everything at heart, I could have ’poked fire’ and ’brainwashed’ Pappy’s brain.

But I have to thank ’her’ when ’she’ took care of Des when I was sick (post natal blues) and I felt at ease when I heard Des was under ’her’ safe arms.

ELDEST SIL
We used to stay together (MIL, BIL, 2 SIL, Pappy and I) and when every child in the family has their own lives and own family, ‘she’ sold off ‘her’ big house and came to live with us (no choice ‘she’ had the whole say cos ‘she’ had the bigger share to the unit where we were staying). The unit was oredi so small, yet ‘she’ had to bring in ‘her’ huge altar with ’her’. Fine with me cos ‘she’ was so pious and had to pray everyday. ‘She’ got to choose the place where ‘she’ wanted the altar to be, I had no say to dat. The altar was later removed after we shifted giving the good excuse dat it was a waste of money praying to statutes.

Until today, I don’t know what I had done to annoy ‘her’ and for ‘her’ to suspect and accuse me of this and that, or whatever ‘she’ did not see me in the eye. Why was ‘she’ picking on me?

I suppose it started off with ‘her’ hanging of ‘her’ ‘flags’ (undergarments) at the balcony and in front of the “Tin Sun” (God of Heaven?). ‘She’ did not wash ’her’ undergarments every day but accumulate them in a week, soaking them in a basin and only washed them once a week. Imagine when ‘she’ washed and hung them at the balcony …… wuah seh, what would people think (they are not mine leh!). I moved ‘her’ undergarments to the dry area. ‘She’ did not like it and told me not to touch ‘her’ things. If ‘she’ wished and liked or purposely hung ‘her’ undergarments anywhere or wherever ‘she’ liked, fine, I had no comments.

RM850 – ‘She’ was the one who suggested whoever introduce anyone to rent ‘her’ other unit will have the 1st month’s rental fees (as a commission). I recommended a tenant to rent the unit. I told Pappy if ‘she’ did not mention about it, forget about it then. It was Pappy who reminded ‘her’ about the commission. ‘She’ did not like it and told Pappy he need not remind ‘her’ about dat. Pappy had no choice cos we were in need of money then.

Cloth on one of the speakers – It was turning yellowish as it had not been washed for quite some. So, I removed it and had it soaked in a basin of detergent, washed and hung it dry. Not even a word of thanks, ‘she’ asked sarcastically and in a ‘screaming’ tone where ‘her’ cloth had gone. ‘She’ was asking and did not refer to any of us; I did not intend to answer since I did not know whom ‘she’ was asking and what cloth ‘she’ was mentioning. Then ‘she’ pointed to the speaker and asked “Who took off the cloth?”, only did I realise ‘she’ was mentioning about the cloth which I washed. I told ‘her’ I had washed it and was hanging in the dry area. ‘She’ told me off by saying “Don’t u lose it; u won’t be able to replace it with another piece. It was knitted by me!” How was I to know dat and I didn’t expect the piece of cloth meant so importantly and so precious to ‘her’. ‘She’ was thinking dat I had thrown the cloth away. Why should I do dat? I don’t think I dared, jolly well knew dat ‘she’ was so ‘long lai’ (unreasonable). ‘She’ should have at least had the courtesy to ask me to place the cloth back to its original place after I had washed it. Such attitude! *duh* Actually I wanted to put the cloth back to its place but Pappy told me not to do so cos he said it looked so awkward on only one of the speakers (there were 2 speakers). I folded it after it was dried and put it together with ‘her’ clothes. True enough, ‘she’ placed it back on the speaker. If it was what she wanted, let it be. I told Pappy not to mention about it any more.

‘Her’ daughter’s photo – It was Pappy who jokingly asked ‘her’ daughter to put the photo in the room (‘her’ daughter was sharing a room with my elder daughter, Elyss). It was a huge portrait and it was hanging right in the middle of the wall on top of the TV. And ‘she’ thought it was my idea to suggest ‘her’ daughter to put the pic back in ‘her’ daughter’s room. I AM INNOCENT! (still am!)

‘She’ even bought a double-decker bed and suggested ‘her’ daughter to sleep with ‘her’ in ‘her’ room as ‘she’ didn’t like the idea of ‘her’ daughter sharing the same room with Elyss (for fear of Elyss ‘teaching’ and ‘brainwashing’ her daughter?).

Locking of the room – ‘She’ was the one who started locking to the door of ‘her’ room. Rooms were not locked when ‘she’ initially came to stay. I didn’t know why ‘she’ closed the toilet’s door too. When my BIL (Pappy’s younger brother) asked ‘her’ why, ‘her’ answer was ‘she’ was scared dat ‘germs’ will come out from the toilet! Any logic to dat? Maybe ‘she’ should have given the excuse dat due to ‘fengshui’, toilet doors should be closed at all times and all of things, GERMS! Talk of germs; at one time she drank ‘her’ own urine! (believing from a sinseh dat it will cure …. I forgot what ‘she’ was diagnosed with). I suppose the reason was dat ‘she’ did not like us to touch/use ‘her’ things in ‘her’ room or toilet.

At one time, Elyss, locked her own room (since ‘her’ daughter was not sleeping in the room any more) as she had some jewelleries in the drawer and piggy bank in the room and reason was she had no locker. Another reason was ‘her’ daughter sometimes brings her frens back to house to spend the nite and they slept in Elyss’s room. ‘Her’ daughter was sharing a room with ‘her’, so when ‘her’ daughter brought frens back, there were not enough beds or space. ‘She’ had to lock ‘her’ room so obviously, i.e. when Elyss was around. What did ‘she’ lose? If we were to lock our room, ‘she’ would be suspicious and would not like the idea. Could I ask ‘her’ to open the door (‘her’ room) if ‘she’ was not around so dat I could bring my frens back to spend the nite? I’m sure ’she’ would jump high and low.

This incident occurred on 16th November, 1998. At about 9.30 p.m., when we were reaching our office (had to go back to office to finish up some work), ‘she’ called Pappy’s handset, asking him why Elyss’s room was locked and told him to open the door. He told ‘her’ dat the key was with Elyss (she was away in a relative’s house in Shah Alam) and dat he would get the key after we finished our work. ‘She’ INSISTED the door to be opened INSTANTLY or else ‘she’ would BREAK OPEN the door! Gosh, was ’she’ dat desperate to have the door to be opened? Pappy told ‘her’ he would get the key from Elyss in Shah Alam after work.

When we reached home and it was about 1 a.m., and before I could greet ‘her’ which I usually do in the mornings when we wake up and nites when ‘she’ came back from work, ‘she’ was scolding us like a mad beast! (why the door was locked and ‘she’ couldn’t open it). We saw an axe and a hammer on the dining table! I know ‘she’ was jumping at the chance to make me angry and to make me argue with ‘her’, but I kept my cool and I didn’t even utter a word and allowed ‘her’ to continue with ‘her’ scoldings and ‘barkings’ for about 15 mins. I didn’t get away from ‘her’ (why should I?). Pappy ushered me to go back to our room, but I refused, I sat on the chair and continued doing my work. I knew ‘she’ had to let ‘her’ anger out, so, I let ‘her’ have the chance to ‘blah’ whatever ‘she’ wanted to. ‘She’ even accused me of trying to ‘occupy’ the apartment. ‘She’ asked me whether I wanted to ‘fight’ with ‘her’. ‘She’ went to the extent to allow me to call my ‘members’ (I was the secretary to the pro-tem committee and had lots of members then) to ‘fight’ with ‘her’. ‘She’ was like a mad woman! ‘Her’ scoldings did not deter me. Seeing dat I didn’t answer/reply her (in which I was sure ‘she’ expected), ‘she’ kept quiet for a while but I noticed ‘she’ continued smoking (3 cigarettes, 1 after another). ‘She’ did not know what to do. ‘She’ sat on the sofa until 2.30 a.m. and then went back to ‘her’ room. I wondered if ‘she’ could go to sleep and ’she’ didn’t expect I was so calm. I was glad I kept my cool and didn’t argue with ’her’, else ’she’ would have ‘flung’ the axe or hammer at me? I supposed ’she’ was having hormones imbalance (heeheehee).

Garfield’s pencil case – The pencil case was in Jocelyn’s (youngest SIL’s daughter) toy box and was treated like a toy. Elyss thought it was a waste and since nobody was using it, she picked it from the toy box and used it as a pencil case. When ‘she’ came to know about it, ‘she’ made ‘hell’ of a noise why Elyss took her things without ‘her’ permission. Elyss was still a college student then. The regretful incident was and what Elyss did wrong was she didn’t ask for permission before using it and ‘she’ had to make a fuss over such a teeny weenie incident with a teenager.

I had always told Pappy and Elyss NOT to touch ‘her’ things since ‘she’ was so sensitive. It was very obvious dat ‘she’ did not like us to touch ‘her’ things.

I didn’t know why ’she’ not only disliked me but ’she’ detested Elyss too. Elyss and ’her’ daughter were of the same age and of course would click together. Maybe ’she’ was scared dat Elyss would ’spoil’ ’her’ daugther by leading her into doing bad things? Too bad if ’she’ had this in mind. Elyss used to be a happy-go-lucky girl when she was under the care of a relative and her studies were very good but when she came over to stay, she was not happy at all and under the pressure of being 'watched' and had to listen to ’insults’ and her studies deteriorated too.

’Her’ daughter was in good terms with us (me and Elyss) but she was so scared of her mom dat when her mom was around, she dared not chat with us and she had to be in bed before her mom came back from work (’she’ worked late and came back at around 12 midnite). Poor girl.

‘She’ did not know how to differentiate between jokes and serious talks. ‘She’ has no ‘funny bones’ at all. I seldom see ‘her’ laugh or even smile while watching comedies on TV. ‘She’ could just sit and watch, with no expressions at all.

The worst and the funniest and which surprised me were ‘she’ even accused and suspected me of filling ‘tap water’ into ‘her’ container (as drinking water) for ‘her’!!! ‘She’ could not differentiate between tap and filtered water? Why should I fill tap water for ‘her’? I’m not dat ‘hak sum’ (ill hearted). Just because ‘she’ has a suspicious mind, ‘she’ was always suspecting people of doing bad things to ‘her’.

I really had no bad intentions or hold any grudges on ‘her’. I don’t know why ‘she’ had to suspect/detest me. I had sometimes tried to please ‘her’; I was not appreciated but being criticised instead. If I had any bad intentions, I would have done a lot of things MY WAY and not let ‘her’ have ‘her’ way! I was oso ‘giving face’ to Pappy.

‘She’, in a way, FORCED us out of the house by asking Pappy either to buy over the unit or pay ‘her’ the balance to the unit. We decided to move out and got a place of our own which I’m so glad we did.

After ‘her’ daughter got married, ‘she’s’ all alone. Sometimes, frankly, I do ‘curse’ ‘her’, serving her rite dat ‘she’s all alone now.

Maybe to ’them’, I had done wrong to antagonise ’them’ in which I had no intentions to do so, anyway, bygones are bygones, it was my youngest SIL who brought us (MIL, eldest SIL and I) together. I gave birth to Des and my youngest SIL brought MIL to the hospital to visit me and from then onwards, we were on talking terms again. My MIL is getting old and 'tai far sai' (more open in ways of thinking). And the most important thing is WE ARE NOT STAYING TOGETHER NOW.

BUT, I did have the BEST MIL, my ex-hubby's mom but too bad I was not able to be with her for long when she was alive. She was the most understanding, thoughtful, helpful, temperless, calm person, ’open-minded’ and anything good whom I had met. GOD BLESS HER SOUL!

Sorry, no comments!