Tracy's Nest

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Is there anything wrong with her?

This morning I went to the school's office to see Des's class teacher, 魏老师。She told me Des doesn't like to answer questions. I was dumbfolded for a while. Then only did I realise what she was trying to tell me. During the recent oral test, Des only got 1 mark out of 5! 魏老师 said she even went to the extent of scaring Des dat if she wouldn't open her mouth to answer, teacher would have to give her a ZERO. Dat would bring her grades down just becos she failed her oral test. *sei hmm sei*

魏老师 told me the questions she asked were very simple and general questions, like, "what are u going to do when mommy said she's having stomachache?", "what must u do when mommy cuts her finger?" 魏老师 said Des wouldn't answer. Oops, Std. 1 students have to do this type of oral tests? Those are general knowledge questions, moral questions or what? Oh dear, I think I'm a bit outdated.

My girl doesn't know how to answer or was she scared or she doesn't know how to answer in Chinese? I know Des is scared of answering questions which she's not sure of. Sometimes I've to assure her dat I won't scold her if she has a wrong answer, only then she'll try. She's a chatterbox in the house but in a crowd, she's the opposite. At home, she's a different person. Sometimes I've to ask her to shut her mouth and I don't want to hear another word from her. She'll be asking this and dat until I get fed up and ordered her to stop else I'll tape her mouth or I'll get the cane (which she's very scared of). But alas, I'll get a moment of silence only ... *boo hoo hoo*

When she's with some kids she's not familiar with, she can isolate herself and won't join them in the fun. Yes, she will cling to me like a koala bear or she'll just stand and watch the kids play. She'll only play with her cousins and friends she knows. She's not the friendly and sociable type. I've been trying to let her mix with kids but she doesn't like the idea. She's scared of 'rough' kids too. She will ask "mommy, why are they so 'chou lou'" (rough in Cantonese) ... sigh ...

She has a mouth like a kerang (clam). She has not, on her own, call "auntie", "uncle". She has been reminded every now and then when she sees my friends, she has to call "auntie" or "uncle".

I guess I've to brush Des up with not only general knowledge but everything in general. She's so blur blur and I guess she's too dependent on mommy doing things for her and she's scared of doing things on her own for eg. when we were in a restaurant, she wanted to watch the fishes in the aquarium, she would want either Pappy or me to accompany, she just wouldn't go on her own; she wouldn't go to the washroom alone; she wouldn't sleep alone; she wouldn't dare to go any further from us to get things; she's just not independent. Too pampered, spoilt or over-protective?

Very embarrasing to say dat Des cried for 6 months (yes, almost every day) going to school. She broke the school's record to some one who cried for 3 months. She was okay during the 1st week of school but the ordeal started the following week. She even told me she didn't want to go to school.

魏老师 did praise Des has improved a lot compared to the first few months when she entered school. She dared not do anything the teacher told her to do and dared not go to the school's office to pay fees, toilet, library, bookshop alone. She always persuade Christine (her best friend who's a very independent girl) to accompany her.

I know 魏老师 'forced' her to enter a story telling competition which she refused to take part but after much coaxing from me, she said she would try. I din see how she performed but I know she did her best cos she had been practising hard at home, trying to remember the Chinese characters which I wrote in 'han yu pin yin' for her.

I know it's quite difficult to deal with kids like mine and I would like to thank 魏老师 for being so patient and tolerant and I really hope the other teachers will be patient and understand too.

How come some kids are so independent and brave? Were they trained or it's in their genes? Pappy and I are not the talkative and sociable type and I'm not the brave type too. Is there anything wrong with my girl?


At Wed Sep 16, 06:09:00 PM, Blogger blurblur said...

I can feel you, Tracy. My Damien also behave this way (very quiet and dare not ask questions, need lots of prompting when answering questions)when he's in school...but back home, he can talk and talk and talk...sigh..

I think kids like ours need lotsa encouragement to build up their confidence. I'm sure there's nothing wrong with Des...*hugs*

At Wed Sep 16, 06:46:00 PM, Blogger mumsgather said...

Hmm.. there's oral tests?

I don't think there is anything wrong with Des. My girl is a bit like that too. At first she wouldn't go to toilet because she was afraid to go by herself so everyday she didn't drink any water from her tumbler.

Des can manage to join the story telling. Thats really very good. Not a clam mouth at all. You should praise and encourage her and tell her that no matter how she did in her story telling, she has done very well in trying and she should be proud of herself. I guess kids like ours just need a lot more encouragement than others since they're more timid.

At Wed Sep 16, 09:16:00 PM, Blogger two pixels photography said...

don't think anything wrong with her, probably just gotta boost her confidence a bit and join more group activity to encourage her to communicate with others more.

At Wed Sep 16, 09:19:00 PM, Blogger michelle@mybabybay said...

Yeap the school has oral test. Tim told me that her teacher ask him what is his name? where he stays? etc. I don't know whether he answer or not.

Well teacher didn't complain, means good news.

Maybe you can sit down with Des and talk to her. I always ask my boy what happen in school and find out what problem he encounter so that I can help him.

At Wed Sep 16, 11:41:00 PM, Blogger 杨 霓 said...

my english is not so good, I write in mandarine ah!




At Thu Sep 17, 12:27:00 AM, Blogger Fishbee said...


建立孩子的信心不是一天的事,需要花时间。 假期时,可为她报名生活营好让他学习与新朋友相处。我知道每逢星期六国家图书馆哪儿有免费讲故事给孩子听,可带她去听故事认识新朋友。

At Thu Sep 17, 01:36:00 AM, Blogger Annie said...

tracy, nothing wrong with her. i know it's normal, coz mine is lidat too. they are just at the other end of the normal spectrum.

just have to give plenty of "booster" (encouragement & assurance) but no any kind of "pushing" or "forcing", for them to walk out from the shell.
it's still okay if they dun want to come out now...give her time, but never stop your "booster dose", always provide chance to social... only one thing to remember, DO NOT PUSH or FORCE.

You are a very loving mother, really, nothing wrong with her. Those questions the teacher asked, may be a little too heavy for her. She may be too afraid to provide a wrong answer, or she just doesn't want those to happen to you, that's why she tight lips. Am also wondering if mine can answer those...:).

At Thu Sep 17, 07:35:00 AM, Blogger Magictree said... No1 also used to be like in Std 3 not so scaredy cat anymore ...but occassionally still social phobia when meeting up with unfamiliar people for the first time (e.g he suddenly have loss of words when people ask him question). At home he talks loud and non-stop...outside like tongue got stuck in the mouth!!!. Some children are shy and takes a longer time to warm up.

At Fri Sep 18, 02:35:00 PM, Blogger slavemom said...

Agree with everyone, there's nothing wrong with her. I think that's normal. Some kids r more timid than others. U'd oso be worried if she roams abt herself in public plcs, not afraid of anything or anyone. Entering the story telling competition is edi a big achievement. Jes give her more encouragement.

At Fri Sep 18, 07:09:00 PM, Blogger Zara's Mama said...

I think it's normal behaviour for children..

These teachers also.. some children memang more shy, some more daring.. Cannot generalise one ma.

At Sun Sep 20, 10:52:00 PM, Blogger etceteramommy said...

I have read about an article on 'selective mutism'. Apparently there are many kids out there who falls under the category under one situation or another. We just need to understand and see things from their perspective in order to guide them. If you have the time, it's worth reading up.

At Thu Sep 24, 02:59:00 PM, Blogger Mummy to QiQi said...

Tracy, QQ is just exactly like Destinee. I once threatened her to go out to play with her friends at her friend's birthday party at Mc D. If not she will have to go to Speech and Drama Class. Then baru she obediently go out and feels good about her breakthrough.

At Sat Sep 26, 09:30:00 PM, Blogger Lazymama said...

I think sometimes those teacher need to use a lot more soft skill to deal with this kind of kids. Threathening and scolding would not make any good. Some kids are just too shy and lack of confident and needs lots of encouragement.

My Yee Ching is like that too. Remember I said that she is talking too much in the classroom? Yes, she is a real chitty chatter with her friends but not to the teacher. We would have this "don't want to talk to the teacher" problem the 1st few month of every year when the teacher change. But the current one is smart enough to know how to break the ice. She is willing to talk more to this teacher.

And she is having the same problem too at the ballet class, very quiet which I think due to fact that the teacher is too fierce.

I think kids need more praise and courage than scolding.

At Mon Sep 28, 09:37:00 AM, Blogger Tracy said...

Dear all,

Thank u so much for your comments. I'm trying my best to 'let loose' (放松) myself and to encourage Des to be a brave girl.

I've to apologise to 魏老师. I'm so sorry I've given a wrong info about her. I wrote "she even went to the extent of scaring Des", actualy 魏老师 was just trying to scare Des and not really scaring her. She did dat on the pretext to let Des knows dat if she still doesn't open her mouth, 魏老师 will have no choice but give Des a zero as a 'warning'. In fact, 魏老师 is a very nice, responsible, tolerant and patient teacher.


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