Post Natal Blues
After reading Mumsgather’s and Twinsmom’s blogs, I feel dat I’ve something to share too. But please bear with me, it's a bit long-winded.
After the birth of Destinee, I had a lousy CL (Confinement Lady) who not only smoked but took naps in the afternoon when my baby was asleep. Gaks! She was recommended by a nurse working for my gynae. Pappy and I wanted to ‘sack’ her but couldn’t find a substitute in such a short time, so, we had to bear with her. In the meantime, we searched high and low but to no avail. Guess we were too good and lenient.
Destinee was a cry baby when she was little. She was always ‘throwing up’ after her feed too. Always crying every now and then for reasons we didn’t know. Maybe she was a colic baby. Took her to the paed and was told nothing was wrong with her. Under the advice of the paed, we changed to her milk to Enfalac AR+ i.e. for regurgitation babies. Under health reasons, I wasn’t able to breastfeed Des fully. We even took her to temples to pray. Some of u might say we were ‘pantang’ (superstituous) but we had no choice. Some old folks told us dat my baby would cry for ‘a hundred days’. I had been hearing lots of advices and tried almost everything – pacifier, change milk formula, change her position of sleep, change rooms and even bought her the electric cradle when we heard she would sleep better.
Destinee would sleep during the day, came nite time she would be wide awake and would like us to play with her.
Before the month ended, we sent the CL off, Des was left with my MIL for the day. I made full use of the day to 'enjoy' myself but not without thinking of Des. Pappy and I went to pick Des at MIL’s place at nite. We were told dat Des was a difficult baby – crying before and even after having her milk. Upon hearing what my MIL said, my heart was oredi ‘thumping’. I knew I have to manage Des, on my own. I was very sure I was able to take care of her but I was very wrong. It was completely out of my expectation. She was so tiny and so fragile. We brought Des back to our nest at about
At around 12 midnite, my nightmare started. She started whining. Before I could finish preparing her milk, she was oredi wailing like someone had beaten her. Once she started crying, it would be too late to pacify her. It took me about ½ an hour to pacify her – carrying her around the house and ‘oiing’ her at the same time. Pappy was of no help. After feeding her, she started crying again. I had to pacify her again. Before I could go for a wink, she was crying again. As I did not want to disturb Pappy (he had to work the next day), I took Des out to the hall. She not only wanted me to carry her to walk her around the house, she wouldn’t let me sit down. After I got her to sleep, I slowly put her back to the electric cradle but before I could land her, she opened her eyes and started to wriggle and whined again (as if she knew I was going to leave her). I quickly carried her in order not to let her start her wailings.
I carried her and she went back to sleep. I slowly sat on the sofa, dared not move too much. I couldn’t go to sleep for fear of dropping her. I looked at the clock and 1 hr by 1 hr past. Two hourly I fed her, not without hearing her cry before and after her feed, change her cloth nappies when she was uncomfortable. Finally at about 7 in the morning, Des was fast asleep by then and I put her in the electric cradle. When Pappy woke up, I asked him look after Des. I quickly brushed my teeth and washed my face. I had to wash and sterilise Des’s bottles and quickly did some housework.
Pappy went out to get me a packet of fried meehoon and he was off to work. I still had a lot of things to do – wash the clothes, fold Des’s cloth nappies and clothes, sweep and mop the house. Clear all the “sou chou si” (rubbish) the CL left behind – my kitchen was in a mess, the utensils were here and there. She broke one of my claypots, a ceramic bowl and spoon.
I didn’t even had time to take my breakfast and Des was oredi crying again. I looked at the clock and it was about
Someone knocked at the door and I knew it was a fren, Chris (a former neighbour). I didn’t want him to see me like dat. I hid in the room with Des and luckily she stopped crying for a while. After a while, I saw Chris left (I could see from the window of my room). I laid Des on the bounce-net. I was still sniffing. I called my fren, Ah Nee, from the house phone. My handset was not switched on and I couldn’t switch it on cos I couldn’t remember my pin number! I told her I was very “sun fu” (difficult?) and I couldn’t bear any longer and immediately my tears rolled again. She was very understanding, she tried to talk to me. Suddenly, Des wailed again, I had to leave the convervation to attend to my cry baby. I was sure Ah Nee sensed something was very wrong and she called Pappy.
Pappy came back at about
I remembered I continued crying and always pointing at Des dat she was crying. But Pappy told me Des was sleeping, she wasn’t crying at all. In my mind, all I knew, was dat Destinee was crying all the time! My sister, June and her hubby Gilbert came back from HKG to visit me. Elyss came with
After a while, when I came to my senses (I think so), I went into the room to look for Destinee. She wasn’t in the room! I searched everywhere the house but Destinee was not around! I started to shout “Where’s my baby?” June quickly came to me and told me Destinee was in safe hands – Pappy has taken her to his mom’s place. Upon hearing dat Des was with my MIL, I felt relieved. I sat on the bed and suddenly I “plopped” on the bed and was sound asleep. I was TOO tired.
I didn’t know what happened next. After I woke up, all I remembered was I just felt like crying. I did eat something (forgotten what). After dat I was sitting on the sofa again and kept staring at the TV and my mind was blank. In the evening, my very close frens, Ah Nee & family, Elaine and Zindee came to visit me. They too knew something was wrong with me. I was asked a lot of questions but I didn’t feel like answering. I remember I kept stroking Ah Nee's son's head. We went out for dinner. I felt dat I wanted to be left alone but at the same time felt like I needed people to talk to me. I was like, I knew and didn’t know what was happening around me. Gosh! I didn’t know what I wanted.
I held on to one of Destinee’s clothes and kept smelling it. I guess I was too tired. I had a good nite sleep.
When I woke up in the morning, I searched for Des and was crying out for her. Pappy did not go to work dat day and he told me Des was with my MIL. I heard him contacting a lot of frens and asking for telephone numbers and his handset kept ringing every now and then. Pappy told me he was taking me to a doctor and I told him there was nothing wrong with me. I refused to go.
After some time, he told me he was taking me out for breakfast. I followed him. He drove me to Angkasaraya in KL. I recognised the building. I asked him why we were having breakfast in Angkasaraya? I was told there was a place where they had nice breakfast. We went floors to floors and I knew Pappy was searching for something. Later, he led me to a stall and he ordered a toast and a cup of milo for me. I was wondering what kind of breakfast was dat. Pappy was trying to coax me to see the doctor and I finally gave in. I followed him to a lot in Angkasaraya. I was taken to see a psychiatrist!
I was thinking, was there something wrong with me? My name was called and Pappy followed me into the doctor’s room. The doctor introduced himself and asked how I was feeling. Before I could answer him, my tears were flowing again. My goodness, I couldn’t control myself! Actually I didn’t mean to be so rude but the tears were so automatic. I cried uncontrollably but the doctor managed to check my eyes. I was asked to go out of the room but Pappy was asked to stay back. I didn’t know what happened between them. I didn’t know what the doctor told Pappy. Until today when I asked Pappy what happened he refused to tell me and told me “nothing, nothing serious”. But I only got to know later dat I had POST NATAL BLUES.
I was given medicine and the doctor put me on a 2-month course. When we got out from the building, June and Gilbert, Elyss and
June decided to take me back to our hometown in Seremban. I understand what she tried to do was to help me ease my mind. In Seremban, we met up with my brother, Tuck and family. Later, we went further down to our place of birth in Kuala Pilah. I could only remember dat we had a wonderful time there – recalling the good old memories during our times in our old place. At nite, we went round KL and I remembered Pappy kept holding on to my hands wherever we went in the car.
June and Gilbert went back to HKG after accompanying me for the next two days. She called me every day to see how I was. Elyss and my frens called me to talk to me too.
I felt better after taking the medicine and I had enough rest not without thinking of Des. Pappy told me dat Des was a very good baby all the while – no crying and taking her milk on time. After a few days, Pappy took me to MIL’s place. Immediately, when I saw Des in her cot, I cried. And when my SIL told me Des was always crying, I cried more sorrowfully. Pappy quickly stopped everyone from mentioning whatever which will triggered me. I just didn’t know why I couldn’t control myself from crying. I wasn’t like dat before. My tears were so uncontrollable and just flowed so automatically.
After Des was in my MIL’s place for a week, Ah Nee found me a maid and she’s Marsiti. Marsiti was there to help my MIL and was taught how to take care of Des.
After some counselling from the pyschiatrist and took the medicine on time, I felt much better. I went back to work after resting for a month. Pappy didn't want me to be at home alone and start thinking of 'nonsense'. Pappy told me it was time to bring Des back. Upon hearing dat, I got SCARED. I was thinking, could I manage? But I had to face the reality. Anyhow, I had to take care of my baby.
It was a coincidence dat my MIL, BIL and family were down with chicken pox, so Des was forced to be brought back. I really have to thank my MIL who was so patient with Des and SIL & BIL who were kind to allow Des to stay in their place and endured to Des’s cryings. I was later told dat Des was a VERY VERY DIFFICULT and cry baby.
Dat was how Des was brought back to her own nest. Poor Des. Marsiti took very good care of her. Whenever Des cried, Marsiti would get her away from me for fear dat I might cry. She told me she wasn’t scared of Des crying but scared of ME crying. Eeesshhhh.
After on medication for 2 months, I finally took the courage NOT to be addicted to the medicine. I tried to control myself and taught myself how to be calm and always said to myself “I CAN DO IT, I CAN DO IT!” I was completely OFF medication after 2 months. Whenever I felt dat I was not my usual self, I would drink lots of water and took deep breaths to calm myself. Whenever Pappy felt there was something wrong with me, he would forced me drink a cup of water. *duh*
I was lucky I had June, Elyss and my close frens to talk to and a very, very understanding (in a way) and patient hubby.
A word to mommies (esp. who are under confinement) – talk to
A word to daddies (whose wifeys are under confinement) – try to understand and be patient with ur wifey who is facing problems and help to take care of ur baby/babies. (Don’t just snore
Destinee is 4 years old now – *letting out a great heave of relief* For one thing I know, I wasn’t out of my mind and I was NOT mad!
Mommies, I’ve learned to become a very good listener. I’m not in a position to give advices but I can talk to u if u need.
26 Comments:
Aaa.. what the hormones can do to you huh??
But you were lucky. Your MIL was willing to take care of Destinee for you.
I didn't have a confinement lady (sacked her on day 2), my MIL didn't offer to help, I handled Zara all on my own for the first 3 months (I took additional month off on top of the 60days leave). The only consolation is, I don't have to do house work, since I have a maid.
It was nightmarish the first 2weeks.. and I broke down too.. well.. maybe I should blog about it.. one day.
Scary huh...I do know how you feel as I've gone through that kinda feeling after the recent abortion. I din't have this problem during my confinement. Only had it when I had to go for the abortion. Our mind will be thinking nonsenses all the time.Well, you're lucky that u manage to pull yourself up again.
Funny part is ur maid is scared of you crying instead of Destinee.hahaha
Wow, you had it bad. I must really salute your hubby who took care of you and brought u to the doctor. Some men can be blur and does nothing.
Glad you overcome your problem. I know a friend who was like you. She locked herself up with her baby and cry. Now she is so afraid of having the 2nd one.
For me, I only have very little crying problem during my confinement. I have 2 very reliable confinement lady.
Poor Tracy, glad that you have overcome it!
I have mild depression too when my girl was still a baby due to the feeding problem. Me too locked myself in the room and cried. Hubby asked me to seek professional help but I refused. Fortunately, everything is over!
Dear all:
I'm sure 9 out of 10 mommies have such experience and it's really scary to know dat some have gone thru the very bad way. But really, just get someone to talk to, I'm sure there will be someone of help.
Another word: Try to have babies when u are young! Cos as u get older u'll have hormonal change and there's where the problem crops up.
Zara's mama:
Oh yes, I really would like to know what the hormones did to me?
Yup, my MIL was able to help me temporary cos she had my SIL's kids to take care of too.
Oh, u had depression too? Would like to read about it, do blog about it.
Sabrina:
Ya, ya, I understood how u felt when u told me about the bad and sad news. Hope u are okay now.
I was indeed lucky to have pulled thru. U know what? I really had the thought of throwing Des out of the window! Scary hor?
My maid was scared dat she didn't know how to handle me whereas she could easily carry and 'oi' Des. She thought I might get 'gila' (mad) and chopped her kua. Kekekekeke.
Michelle:
I might have gone thru the bad days but I'm sure there're ppl worse than my case. I've heard of mommies who jumped from the apartment and some even try to kill their own babies and committed suicide. *goosepimples sprouting from my hands*
I was told by June dat Pappy was really scared and he cried when he saw the state I was in and could not do anything. Pity him.
Maybe some men think dat their wives are just emotional. They just don't understand what Post Natal Blues are and how serious it can be if it's not treated.
Jefferene:
Really thanks God I overcame it.
I think ur case was a mild one and luckily u were okay.
Before I gave birth to Belle, I've prepped the hubby about postnatal depression. I told him if he sees any sign of it, just bring me to the doc. I was lucky that I didn't have any blues. Having my folks being my confinement lady/man was a great relief and help. I wouldn't know how to handle a newborn if it weren't for them. I've a friend who is facing the "blues" now, maybe I should introduce her to you. Can ar?
whoa...reading your story I can really imagine how you feel it. Everyone has their own confinement story...but I'm sure you are a very strong person that's why u manage to pull thru. Bravo!!! Make sure Des read this, then she will kuai kuai next time, or else smack her buttock :P
Vien:
It was really out of my expectation. I thought I could handle my baby myself but too bad I was a failure *sob sob*. Maybe it was due to my age and the hormonal change.
If there was someone close with me and my CL was a good one, I'm sure I wouldn't have gone thru the bad time. And I kept everything to myself back then cos I was scared and didn't dare to tell my frens for fear dat they would laugh at me. WHAT A MISTAKE I HAD MADE!
Oh, do introduce ur fren to me. I do hope I'll be able to help her.
Jazzmint:
Hei, u are under confinement now and I hope u are enjoying every moment of it.
Heehee, I'm sure I was strong-willed enough to have pulled thru. If not I'll be depending on the medicine until now.
I do have a fren who went thru the same case but she's still under medication. I've talked to her and she felt better whenever I talked to her. When she felt down, she'll call me to listen to my happy voice and laughs. Kekekekeke.
YA YA YA! I'll definitely reserve this post for Destinee to read when she's older.
ohhh..... hmmm....des is just same to me... a crying baby...!! how u suffer is just same as how my mom suffered...duhhh....
my crying time is from 10pm to 4am.. i only can slept with mummy hold me in her arm... but, mummy is stil under confinement.. how can she sit all the time... pity her...
after tat, dad and mom can't tahan anymore, send me to temple and ask those thing.. give 1 "fu".. but stil the same...cry non stop...
after 2 months, whole family move to shah alam, and i can sleep soundly, and luckily daddy moved to new house... if not, i think mummy gonna have post natal blue...
fuhh.... mummy always tell me this story.. everytime i heard it i will dro my tears... i also dunwish mummy so suffered, but, the fact is, i dunnoe im so naughty when i baby ler...
Hi Milly, welcome to my blog.
Wuah seh, u were a cry baby when u were little too? So, u now understand how ur Papibee and Mamibee went thru the hardship to raise u up. Actually it wasn't ur fault, u don't have to feel bad. I guess most parents have to 'suffer' in a way or another to raise their kids.
I'm sure u are a good girl and Papibee and Mamibee are proud to have u. If not, u'll deserve a 'piak piak piak' on ur buttok not only from them but from Auntie Tracy too (heeheehee).
aiyo...scary when read this. Really really lucky u did not do something nonsense at that time!
You have a good hubby!! Thumbs up for him!
hehhe...aunty tracy, dun worry ler... im very good with my papa and mama ler...kekeke....
u can see, i sayang my mummy always at my blog there mah..keke... :P. scare scare aunty tracy piak piak piak me wor..
You're lucky to have close friends, relatives and hubby to help you out. I'm actually glad to see this post as some part of it reflected what I felt during my confinements.
I don't have help with taking care of my 2 babies, but I don't have to cook.
It was difficult with Justin. There are times when Justin was crying for no reasons, and hubby's not around, I cried with him too. I didn't talk much to hubby as he's working away from me. However, I managed to control my emotion after crying for a while and then attend to baby.
I guess I'm lucky I didn't lose my mind.
Jesslyn:
Ya lor, scary hor? I always shudder at the thought of it. Luckily it was over and no more babies for me (too old to have too, heehee). I can take care of ppl's babies but my own, I didn't know why I was a failure.
Ya Ya, got to muahmuah my hubby. He IS indeed a good husband. My frens say too, even my maid – cannot find another one like him (ahem).
Milly:
Since u are such a good girl, Auntie Tracy won't 'piak piak' u lar. 'Muahmuah' u instead. Feel better? (kekeke)
Shoppingmum:
Oh yes, luckily I had close relatives and frens to help me if not I won't be blogging about it now (sudah masuk Tanjung Rambutan lor, heehee).
After I talked to my hubby and went to seek help (psychiatrist), I felt relieved and he fully understood how and what I was 'suffering'.
Maybe women tend to be more emotional, dat's why when there's nobody around to help us, we tend to be helpless and don't know what to do. Sometimes, we do not want to burden our husband who are oredi tired after work. But I guess it's very wrong. Actually, the best way is to talk it out with our husband and let him realise what's happening else he won't know.
Thanks for visiting my blog.
Wow, that was really some ordeal you went through. Credit should also be given to your hubby who was such a pillar of strength. Glad the whole thing is over & everything worked out fine for you.
Didn't know you went through so much after your birth! But Thank God you've got very supportive families and friends, not forgeting your hubby! Look at Des now, nobody would guess she's a difficult cry baby! ;)
Damien was a easy baby, not much of a fuss, but he still made me cried buckets because he almost couldn't make it and had to be kept in the hospital for 3 weeks after his birth.I'm thankful for the support from my hubby and families too, or i would have gone mad i think..;)
Well, I should said thank you to you.
I dont have any problem for my 1st confinement, as I have a very good CL and my hubby is very helpful then, but during my 2nd time confinement as you know my CL was not available cos Alvan was early for a month, the first 2 weeks was a nightmare to me, and hubby got project to follow up so he was unable to help much and he thought he XXX is there to help in fact not (u know what I mean), lucky I got you and my helpful superwomen (maid).
Whatever it is , just glad that you overcame your 'obstacles'..otherwise I won't have this interesting blog to read. Hmmm...post natal blues...really that bad huh?
IMM:
Ya, ya, really glad everything's over and I'm kicking and still sane now (heehee). psst, psst, I sometimes do have this phobia dat whenever Destinee cries or throw trantrums, my mind will 'blank out' for a few seconds.
Blurblur:
"he almost couldn't make it and had to be kept in the hospital for 3 weeks after his birth" – oh dear, this sentence sounds scarier than scary. God bless Damien's okay. Agree with u dat hubby, families and frens who are supportive do help a lot.
Rachel:
Oh yes, oh yes, I understand how u went thru without ur CL and ur XXX was of no help.
No worries, no worries, u can always call me, like I always say "I'm a good listener". (ahem)
Magictree:
Before I had Destinee, I've heard of Post Natal Blues but never imagine I was one of its targets and it could "hit" me dat bad. Hahaha, luckily I made it thru, else I won't be blogging about it ya?
Tracy, thank goodness for all your friends and especially your hubby who supported you...You were brave too...
I'm currently going through this phase. My prematured bb wud just cry day and nite. Worse of all, she has reflux and colic prob. Erverytime after each feding, she would throw up and then cry again. I think I'm going crazy soon. My only consolation is my mum has been very helpful. She left everything in KL and moved to SG just to accompany me. My MIL until today has never visited us since my bb was discharged fr hosp 2 mths ago.
Chanel:
Yes, yes, thank goodness. When I think of it, it makes me shudder. Really, it was scary hor?
Cowiepig:
Cowiepig? A very special nick u have there. Anyway, thanks for dropping by.
So sorry to hear and I fully understand what u are experiencing now. U mean to say dat ur baby is oredi 2 months old now? Have u taken her to check with her paed? Have u talked to ur hubby regarding this?
It's good dat ur mom is around to help u. Do talk to her and blah ur problems to ur very close frens. I'm sure u'll feel better and they might be able to help u in a way or another. Just don't feel too bad. Not all babies 'eat and sleep', 'eat and sleep' as what we expected. U'll go thru the phase. Just be strong and think positively. Never mind if u feel like crying, cry out, just don't keep it inside u. Before u know, ur baby will be getting older each day and will be smiling to u soon!
U need to chat with me? Mind giving me ur email address?
today only have time to finish ur post here...wat can i say..haii...
All is past now..Now u have a lovely dotter and u be urself again..tahnx god..
Tracy,
My bb going to be 3 mths old by next wk, but since she's a prematured bb by 2 mths, her actual age is only 1 mth. I have taken bb to see paed many times but each time I was told she's fine. Her reflux and colic prob was due to her prematured. Her colic condition never seem to improved even though she has came home almost 2 mths already. She's a fussy bb and always seem to be in pain. I pratically rely on Dentinox "colic drop" to ease her pain everyday.
Yesterday I had a nervous breakdown as I really dont know what else I can do. I just sat on my bed blankly and cried non stop. I cant sleep, constantly have cold sweat and my heart rate seem irregular. My mum wanted me to go seek professional help but I refuse too. Now my biggest phobia is during feeding time. I dont know when my bb going to spit out in full force again and cry. I'm so helpless.....
My only comfort are talking to my close friend thru MSN chat as I live in SG and all my friends are in KL and thru reading all the mummies' blog out there.
My email addr: kellyktlau@yahoo.com
whoa...you had a serious case of post natal blues eh? i had my share of post natalblues as well but thank God everything was under control ya...with the support from family and friends...
Dinah:
Oh? U had ur share of post natal blues too? I guess this is common amongst mommies and it's really scary. Ya, I do believe one will go thru it if there's great support from family membes and friends.
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