Tracy's Nest

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Sad, Disappointed & Angry

Something which I would like to rant it out in my blog.
A very 'used to be' close fren of mine visited me with her mom on the 7th day of CNY. Of course I was very happy to see her and her mom. We chatted for about an hour and she got to go cos I had to go out for lunch with my in-laws.
After she left, I looked into what she brought me. I found a packet of 'fatt choi' (black moss) which looked so familiar to me. I got it out and checked. It was the same packet of 'fatt choi' which I gave her as a gift during CNY LAST year and not only dat, it was EXPIRED (2.1.07) too! Jialat or not? The packet of 'fatt choi' was covered with a plastic covering. The plastic was torn off at the expiry date and the date was blackened off with a marker. I could see the expiry date at a certain angle in the light. Goodness sake, if she needed to hide the expiry date, she should have done it in a neat way by blackening until one cannot see.
I was really so disappointed and I emailed this to her:
(her name),
Just would like u to know something. Did u know dat the packet of 'fatt choi' u gave me dat day was the same as what I gave u as a gift last year? I noted dat the plastic cover was torn and the expiry date was blackened and expired. I still have a packet with me which I kept in the fridge and I made a comparison and the expiry date was exactly the same.
If u don't like the 'futt choi', u should have given to someone else instead of 'returning' it back to me. I felt quite disappointed, u know?
And u know what she replied?
Ops ... very sorry I didn't realise it was from you , I thought it was from my sis in law, was kept in the drawer together with the rest. It was definitely not meant to be returned to you. Thousand appology .... really feel embarrass lah.
D**n it! She meant to say she didn't know she had the expiry date blackened? Or she meant to say when I gave her the packet it was oredi blackened? Cannot be. When I gave her last year it was still not expired. Showed dat she didn't appreciate what I had given her.

I really dunno know what really got into her. She used to be one of my very, very close frens where we could talk about almost anything including very personal things.

She changed a lot after she met someone (we call him 'Yi Pit Kai' - moustache). Dat "Yi Pit Kai' is married with either a son or two. Her former 'boyfren' is oso a married person. I've hinted to her a number of times not to get involve with married men but she took no heed.
I sent her an email last year:
Yup, u were correct dat I don't like him is dat he 'might be cheating' u. But since u think he's okay, I feel happy for u.
U must know dat I've been cheated by my former SO CALLED HUSBAND so I do really know the feelings of a wife with kids. And so does June. I don't really hate him but I just want to see how he DIES! Don't tell me (his name)'s wife doesn't know about ur relationship.
Just ask urself this question. How would u like to be in (his name)'s wife's shoes? Being cheated by a husband and knows dat he's with someone is NO NO NO SWEET feeling.
Dat's why, if the wife knows, I don't know what kind of a woman she is. Or maybe they are 'teaming' up to 'cheat' u. If he has been divorced and be with u, it's okay. Shows dat HE's enjoying life and women have to 'suffer' for him. He can be so untruthful to his wife, he CAN be untruthful to u too.
Those are my thoughts only, okay. Just to let u know how I feel. But no worries, we are still frens. Don't let dat hinder our frenship. JUST BE CAREFUL, okay?
This was what she replied:
My daer ,
dont worry I dont need him to be with me all the time , I need a lot of space & time on my own. I am not me (her name) if I break them up- not my style (unless they want to break themselves up) , devorce is not in the picture as he believe it his responsibility too to take care of them all . If ever truth is out its up to him to convenice her our relationship.
Thanks for your concern , I have nothing for them to cheat anyway. You must look at things positively at times. Not all are bad.
WHAT WAS SHE TRYING TO TELL ME????? She meant to say "for him to convince her of their relationship"? Gosh! When I read dat, I was so so so disappointed with her. Meaning to say she's doing the right thing and doesn't in the least admit dat she's in the wrong. She loves to be with the man in the hiding style? Very obvious dat this man cannot be without his wife & kid and it was his responsibility to take care of his family? *feel like kicking his! and feel like slapping my fren hard on her cheeks to wake her up!* And she got the cheeks to tell me she's not trying to break the couple up (she's not the 3rd party) and to look at things positively!
What good does she sees in him? He's not handsome, he's not rich, he's married and cannot leave his wife, he's not educated (cannot read or write in Chinese, English or Malay), only speaks in Cantonese and speaks 'broken' English and Malay. Maybe he's good in 'something' which my fren likes (ahem).
I feel dat she's so pretentious with me nowadays, not like what she used to be when we were together before she met dat 'Yi Pit Kai'. We could, as the Chinese saying goes, wear 'a pair of pants' together. We have been frens for more than 10 years and it makes me very upset to see the change in her.
I know it's none of my business but I really hope and pray dat my fren won't be cheated and suffer. How can the man be with another woman in the same place (in KL) and the wife knows nothing about the affair? The wife must be either 'no eyes see' (blind but she's not) or she is doing the same as what the husband is doing or she has 'tung kiok' (a bad mistake made which ppl take as an advantage to threat) which the husband is holding and she dare not 'ngek' a word about what the husband is doing ... sigh ...
She tried to call me on my handset, I refused to pick up the call and I don't intend to call her as just yet and I DON'T THINK I WILL EVER CALL HER AGAIN (just don't have the mood to talk to her).
I DID treasure our frenship very much but NOW ......... do u think I should 'strike' her off from my list of frens?


At Tue Feb 27, 03:08:00 PM, Anonymous June said...

Sigh, Tracy. U too trusting in her from the start lar!

At Tue Feb 27, 03:14:00 PM, Blogger Tracy said...

I trusted her becos I treasure our years of frenship and I hope she'll do the same to me mar. U know me well enough lor. I'm the very loyal type and I rather have a fren instead of an 'enemy'. She really disappointed me and had me 'upsetted' this time.

At Tue Feb 27, 04:21:00 PM, Blogger michelle said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

At Tue Feb 27, 04:21:00 PM, Anonymous Shannon said...

she sounded really immature wor... like a star strucked 15 yrs old teenager... hahaha

oh, and i think if i'm in ur shoe, i won't strike her off on purpose, but i won't consider her a friend lor... a friend won't give u expired stuff lar...

At Tue Feb 27, 04:21:00 PM, Blogger michelle said...

Tracy, tracy, don't be so sad and angry. Just forgive her, it is easier to forgive than become angry with her. Let her do whatever she wants too.

I know it hurts but i guess nothing you can do to change someone's bad character. Be happy yeah!

At Tue Feb 27, 04:22:00 PM, Blogger Sasha said...

Tracy, obviously she's blind in love. You already did what you can and already said what you should. It's up to her to think. Don't be to harsh on yrself!

At Tue Feb 27, 04:32:00 PM, Blogger Jessie Woo said...

u dun hav to purposely strike her off .. u hav done ur part as a fren and the rest just let it be .. yes we feel "sam tong" but is beyond our control .. so rather than we sad ourself y dun we just take it easy and let it be ..

At Tue Feb 27, 04:33:00 PM, Blogger Annie Q said...

Cheer up Tracy!Dont be so sad!If she want to play with fire let her burn.And if one day she come and cry than u can "ngek ngek ngek" laugh her back.She dont worth u to be so sad & angry with!

At Tue Feb 27, 04:45:00 PM, Blogger Etcetera~Mommy said...

Some ppl can just be so foolish and stewpid. Sorry la.. but I really beh tahan those ppl who become tai sum che (3rd party). I wish her luck... knowing what goes ard sure comes ard!!!

At Tue Feb 27, 06:10:00 PM, Blogger laundryamah said...

well frens come n really depends on u. i know of ppl who knows that the fren is the "wan ban" type but still willingly befriend them...I guess it really depends whether u wanna continue being a friend to her or not. it's like us being a mom who gives unconditional love to our kids but cannot expect them to love us back the same kind of scenario..u get what i mean??? aiya.i oso dunno how to advise u la, as for me, being a Christian, no matter how bad that friend is i will always be there for her when she needs me, looking her up and catching up with her is another thing,,,well i may just call her once a year to find out if she's ok, if she doesn't layan me, well i'm not thick skin oso la!

At Tue Feb 27, 11:12:00 PM, Anonymous sue said...

First of all, regarding the expired gift, that really sucked. I mean, frieds don't go around giving recycled gifts, worse stll in this case it's expired!

No 2, I think she's prolly so in love she's blinded by it. This one really have to leave her, she will bear the consequences if anything bad happens. What you can do as a friend s just to advise her.

Finally, just leave her alone. When she's at a dead-end and if things in her relationship go sour, she might think of you. Then, you can decide if you've already forgiven her.

At Tue Feb 27, 11:15:00 PM, Anonymous mom2ashley said...

expired gift? wah - what a big boo boo!

i think as a friend, it's up to you to advise her but whether she takes your advise is another thing. at least you have done your part to advise her...

At Tue Feb 27, 11:17:00 PM, Blogger Desperate Mummy said...

Dun be so angry Tracy just take it easy. U no need to strike her off from ur friends list just treat her like normal friend and not like previously close friend which u can chat a lot of things.

At Tue Feb 27, 11:47:00 PM, Blogger jazzmint said...

wahh teruk, this sort of fren not worth lah

At Wed Feb 28, 01:22:00 AM, Anonymous Angeleyes said...

Tracy, cheer up! Let me share a similar story with you.

I have this childhood fren, since Std 2 and we were the best of friends even when I was working in S'pore and went studying later but we kept in touch. We are also neighbour.

My this friend also quite unlucky in love, many times fell out coz she either fell in love with someone else bf/husband. She loves the high life and loves being with angmohs.

Then I was supposed to register my marriage with my PB and she agreed to be my witness only to tell me the day b4 that she is going away to Singapore on my registration day! I was totally shocked! End of scene 1.

Then after that I went back to S'pore to work so I emailed her but she did not write more than 'hi, how are you?' and I did not receive anything from her after that. I returned to M'sia for my wedding and guess what I heard a few months later????

Her mom came and tell my mom, why I never invite her daugther to my wedding?????!!!!!

Anyway, I have ditched her and no longer think I have such a friend though we were best of friends for more than 20+ years!!!!

At Wed Feb 28, 09:54:00 AM, Blogger chanelwong said...

Wah....not 'ngam' key with to communicate lar...

At Wed Feb 28, 09:58:00 AM, Blogger Sabrina said...

It's easy to forgive but hard to forget.Your friend haven't learnt her lesson yet. When she realise, I am sure she'll regret for what she did. Ppl says "love is blind." Whatever you say or do, she'll never listen. My best friend and I went through lotsa ups and downs and because of a 3rd party, we were not in talking terms for awhile. When she realised her mistake, she came and apologise. Slowly, we built our friendship back again till now (22 years).Hehe

At Wed Feb 28, 10:20:00 AM, Blogger Egghead said...

like I always say "one type of rice feed hundred type of people"... I guess we just have to accept there are all kinds of people out there... and hope that we don't follow the foot-steps of those immoral kind :)

At Wed Feb 28, 05:42:00 PM, Anonymous Angeline said...

hmm tracy, sometimes, friends are just like that, taking you for a ride and taking you for granted. whatever it is, pls dont feel disappointed cos its not yr fault... i cant advise you to strike her off of not befriend her.. you may want to just keep her as a friend but its really up to yr friend to treasure you .. you shld treasure every friendship that comes yr way... dont care what other ppl think about you or do to you... i also have friends who are like that. one of them gave me a story book filled with bookworms and torn for my birhtday present. i just take it and thank her.. dont need to be mad or anything. be happy with ppl ard us and they will feel it too.

At Thu Mar 01, 11:19:00 AM, Anonymous Rachel said...

I truely understand how you feel, is really heart wrenching, I have the same experience as you, anyhow not worth to feel angry and sad against those ppl, cheer up, u still got us here...

At Fri Mar 02, 01:41:00 PM, Anonymous mott said...


It's very heartbreaking to hear this story. You obviously care very much for her..and it's not reciprocated (in the sense that she doesn't seem to value your opinions). I feel very sad for you and this relationship.

Just be around if she needs you. She may not do the same to you, but it's ok because you have a good heart...and good intentions.

Anyone who is your friend is very very lucky!

At Mon Mar 05, 01:57:00 PM, Anonymous allyfeel & Bb said...

You are a very nice and caring friend. If you have already done ur best as a good friend. It's up to her to think for herself. You can't change her if she won't change herself.

At Thu Mar 08, 11:14:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

this person really not shame of herself!!! You are nice and caring person, I know how it feels even u have advice.. they dont listen. Anyway its their life but I dont understand why.. she would get involved with married man.

At Mon Apr 02, 03:45:00 AM, Blogger Blogie-Talkie said...

Hmmm, I guess your anger still show that you still care for her, like Michelle said, forgive is easy than to hate.
Friends come and go,,
mine you, I don't support her moral behaviour but with her truth to you, I don't think she is mean to you., i think.
I have many good friends but now some of them changed or pehape I've changed. My focus is more to my family, I tend to spend time with my family and good value friend's, and we are heart to heart to each other, but to those friend's that are no longer feeling the attachement, same vision or bonding feeling, we just meet and still share good time together, just that, No need to comment how we live ,how we do how we wish things happen, just accept who she is, life will be easier when we don't expert returns.
What come around will goes around on her, don't judge, don't abardon her, she may just not sharing her hard site. At least she is telling her thought and not acting miss nice or cunning person infront of you, and the truth may not our expectation, don't use this to measure her lor, she just being herself to you ler.
I hope I am not a busy body, I just wish I can share it with you and look it differently. We don't have too many long good friend's.

At Thu Apr 12, 04:22:00 AM, Anonymous Twin said...

wah bad la .. give expired stuff. Too much! You've done your part. Let herself decide.

At Mon Apr 16, 05:03:00 PM, Blogger Tracy said...

Dear all,

Thanks so much for ur comments. Actually I'm not dat 'siu hei'. As some of u said, I've oredi done my part, whether she did or did not do it on purpose, I've forgotten. It's true dat it's not easy to have many good frens. I'll still be around to lend her my ears and shoulder if ever she 'falls'.


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